RUSTY HEAPS

A Mostly British Obsession

The Angry Dreamer

“The Dreamer” writes a certain type of classified ad, and they’re always amusing. This person believes beyond all sense that their car is worth a fortune. That, combined with some ‘tude about not wasting his time, makes it even more worthy (an aside: you’re placing an ad for an old car, of course someone’s going to waste your time before you sell it). When there’s no price, we’re approaching grand-master ad-writing territory–and if it’s in all caps? There is nothing left for them to learn, they have mastered the art form. For example:

1977 FIAT SPIDER CONVERTABLE. I HAVE A AWESOME RESTORATION PROJECT 77,000 ORIGINAL MILES. 2.0 L DOHC 5 SPEED BODY,INTERIOR,TOP,EVEN ORIGINAL RUNNING GEAR IN SURPRISING CONDITION. IT RUNS, DRIVES, AND STOPS VERY GOOD. WILL NEED NORMAL RESTORATION RITUALS TO BE SHOW- ROOM CONDITION . OR PUT A TIMING BELT ON IT AND CRUISE TOPLESS FOR THE SUMMER. IF YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS CAR IS WORTH DONT BOTHER CALLING, IF YOU DO HAVE SOME MONEY TO INVEST AND ARE SERIOUS. CALL M—- @ xxx-xxx-xxxx AND LEAVE A MASSAGE.

I’m not a trained masseuse, so I don’t dare call (even if I had any desire to own a Fiat, Italy’s entry into the “Which Car Can Rust Fastest” competition). But that’s a $1,000 car, at the most, and I bet he wants way more than that.

1 Comment

  1. Another favorite is the owner that quotes some sale of a show car of a similar model and thinks their heap must be worth at least half. Funny – you’d think they’d get the message after their ads linger for months and no response.

Comments are closed.

© 2019 RUSTY HEAPS

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑